Every day we are exposed to an unpredictable world. Yes, some events are set in
So then, if we accept that we cannot dictate what happens outside of us, what is in our control?
3 things: Our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.
The issue for many of us is that we don’t take a second to think about how each one influences the other. And when we don’t properly understand our inner dialogue, it has the possibility to create destructive actions, leading to negative events, thoughts, feelings, and more negative actions — thus completing the classic “vicious cycle”.
“Man is disturbed not by things, but by the views he takes of them.”
– Epictetus
Here’s how this all works:
EVENTS:
An activating event means a real external event that has occurred, a future event that we might anticipate occurring, or an internal event in our mind. The is often referred to as the ‘trigger’ of our emotional responses.
THOUGHTS:
The events outside of use force into thought patterns. These include our beliefs, the demands we make (on ourselves, the world and even other people), and the meanings that we attach to the external and internal events of our lives.
EMOTIONS:
These are the feelings that ultimately guide our action. Based on our thoughts of an event or behaviour we decide whether it’s a negative feeling or a positive one. It is between here and our thoughts we struggle most to maintain control.
BEHAVIOURS:
From here we begin to act and thus have consequences for action. Based on our thoughts and emotions, we decide what types of actions to live out. Whatever we decide to do has an effect on our external world.
Where do we stop the cycle? We have to become a master of our thoughts. We need to hit the big pause button on our thinking and ask a simple question:
Do I believe this thought is true?
This forces us the engage the rational part of our brain. We must become students of TRUTH and look at events and thoughts objectively.
“Just as nature takes every obstacle, every impediment, and works around it — turns it to its purposes, incorporates it into itself — so, too, a rational being can turn each setback into raw material and use it to achieve its goal.”
– Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Next time you find yourself reacting emotionally to an event, choose to apply this line of thinking first and respond appropriately. This will bring back some control into your life and allow you to make more productive and constructive decisions as a result. Choosing to think this way seems easy, but to apply it in challenging moments is where you will be tested.
Practice doing it when life is easy, so you can rely on it when life is difficult.
If you’re interested in taking better control of your mind and developing the awareness to even notice negative thoughts. Check out this article on handling pressure.
-Derek
