Maybe it’s the current political climate…
Perhaps it is simply something that is stirring up in my own life…
Who knows, maybe this is a desperate cry for help and validation…
I’ll let you be the judge.
All I know is that this simple message feels valuable right now. If you don’t agree, that’s okay, I could be wrong… and that my friends, is the whole point.
It is okay to be wrong.
I’ll take it one step further… it is okay for others to be wrong.
This is such a simple idea, yet how many of us let it go in one ear and out the other?
We often think of ourselves as open-minded individuals who want to engage and listen to beliefs that run counter to our own. Yet, when faced with the reality that we may be wrong (even slightly), our walls come up, we pull back the draw bridge, rally the troops, and get the buckets of hot oil ready for a 100-day siege.
But why?
Where does this disconnect between belief and action come from?
Well, in psychology there is actually a term for the uneasiness and tension that arrives when we hold contradicting beliefs. It is called cognitive dissonance. You probably don’t call it that, but you most likely know how it feels. And guess what? It does not feel good. In fact, people will go to great lengths to avoid this feeling. We attempt to relieve this tension through rejecting, explaining away, or avoiding new information (AKA avoiding being wrong).
Why is being wrong so hard?
One reason is that when we are faced with the possibility of being wrong, we feel like this is a personal attack on our character. Rather than seeing a personal belief or an idea as something simply floating through our imagination with no ties or connection to anything physical, we embody the idea and identify with it. No longer is this just some thought, but rather it is who we are as a person. The longer this belief goes unchecked, the harder it is to let go. It has become embedded in our body, rather just part of our mind.
Consequently, we build defences around this idea and weave our emotions throughout it. Now, if anyone challenges this idea, they are no longer attacking just the thing, but they are attacking you personally.
The simple truth is this: We like to be consistent. Marketers know this so well they take advantage of it by getting us to commit to small actions early and similar actions later on to get the final sale.
So what’s the big deal if I am resistant to being wrong?
Well, I guess that depends on your final goal. If you like where your life is at, if you don’t mind your current system of yelling into your own echo chamber for eternity, and if you’re good with sharing the same world-view with 1 of 7.8 billion people (AKA yourself), then perhaps this message is not for you.
However, if you are someone who wants to engage and interact with the world in an open way. If you want to find ways to grow and get better on a daily basis. If you would like to have a mindset that is resilient in the face of adversity. And if you realize that you have some blindspots, then perhaps take a second and look at where your resistance to being “wrong” is coming from. Are you identifying with your ideas so strongly that you cannot let go of the idea that you could be wrong or there is another way?
Don’t get me wrong, conviction and strong beliefs have their place. As the expression goes, don’t be so open-minded that your brain falls out.
All I am suggesting is that when you experience an idea that you see as “wrong”, consider if there is some room for nuance. Not everything in this world is so black and white. The grey exists for a reason, but it can only be found if we are willing to accept that everyone (including you) is allowed to be wrong from time to time.
When dealing with the conflict, mistakes, and errors in thinking (for both ourselves and others), perhaps we could be better off if we embrace the forgiving notion brought forward by the writer Brandon Sanderson, “Sometimes a hypocrite is nothing more than a man in the process of changing.”
-Derek
